career advice

My decision to arrive naked barring a low-slung wicker papoose was undoubtedly a sartorial error.

However it was the fact that I became visibly aroused at my own joke, a winding anecdote that culminated in me making light of my job interviewer’s weight problem, that “raised the most eyebrows” on the feedback form.

Stars in fiction. Vol.1

I saw Mika the other day. He was walking down the road with a rough girl on his arm. She was the size of a bloody house.

'Oi! Mika!' I shouted. 'Your girlfriend looks like a whale'.

'Sorry', he replied.

'I said your girlfriend looks like a bowling ball with legs.'

'She's my mum'

'Well... she's still fat!'

He smiled.

hot ape

Ruminating intently on his own mortality, the great ape gripped the sides of the deep fat fryer.

Feeling at peace for the first time in his life, he bellowed “freedom” before thrusting his head into the boiling oil.

Sadly, his last words were never heard.

For he could not speak.

He was an ape.

With my family around me

He realised too late that this was how it would end. A bare lightbulb; a stale glass of water; a telephone with no numbers. And by then it was far too late to change much of anything. He knew that there was something he needed to tell someone, but he couldn't recall who or what. Consequently, it went undone.